My little boy: he's the opposite. He's fearless, bold, brave, and I sometimes find myself nervous with butterflies, biting my nails, worrying about what he is going to jump off of next, but I love it.
We took him to our church Pumpkin Palooza this weekend, and with one look at the tree house slide, he started tugging my arm. I took a deep breath, looked at his dad, and said quietly, "let's just watch the big kids."
I knew it when I said it. Nope. He's doing it; I'm not teaching him to sit back and watch. He'll be the only two year old climbing 30 feet in the air, but he wants to try, he's begging and crying to try, it's safe according to the guy in charge of the slide, so he's doing it.
Up he went. The ladder was pretty steep, and he fell backwards once, only to stand up and start again. One foot after the other. That's my boy.
You see, that's the thing. I've been watching for years. I don't want to watch anymore. And I definitely don't want my little boy to sit back and watch (unless of course it's illegal or unsafe.) I don't want him to watch a dance party and be scared to dance, or watch someone get bullied and be too shy to step forward, or watch me or his dad cook and be embarrassed to try, or watch his buddies play in the woods and not want to muddy up his shoes, or watch his college friends travel abroad and be worried to leave home, or one day watch the love of his life walk away because he's afraid to say how he feels.
I do want him to be careful, and William and I will ALWAYS stress and demand this, but I also want to raise a brave, courageous little boy, unafraid to be creative, genuine, confident in his opinions, and step into new adventures. I want him to live fully and soak everything out of life that he can.
He promptly got in line for the next slide.
This one even bigger. So much so, that William had to ride with him. I'm not sure who loved it more, but they were both smiling ear to ear.
Sometimes, it's appropriate to sit back, hang out, and watch from the pumpkin patch. Other times, it's about going for it, stepping out of our comfort zones, and going down the "big boy slide."
Falling and flipping along the way is part of the ride, as long as we stand up on the other side and say "more." It's time to stop watching.
I am so much like this. And I have the scaredy cat kid. It is SO difficult not to project my fears on him. I do like that he's a little cautious and weighs every situation before jumping in, but for most things I WANT him to eventually jump in...and so far, he's not. I regret so many times not doing something because fear held me back. Life is such a balancing act, isn't it?
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